spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
