capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
