He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
