Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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