i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
