Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
