so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize