You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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