Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I bet he comes in French.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
