I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
