Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
