I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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