Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
