Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
