I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
