I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
if only i could text you this smell
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
