I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
