his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
