i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
