So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
