Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
