I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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