Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
