Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
