Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
