he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
