your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
