in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
