I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
soo... how was my night?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
