I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
