I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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