how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
