Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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