Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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