I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
