ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
