that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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