i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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