So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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