YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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