Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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