sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
