I think my fart just growled at me.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
