I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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