so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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