apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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