She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
