just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
