I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
