As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
