please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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