We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
