I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
