I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize