you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
