My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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