Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize