I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
