People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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