There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Of course I have a pirate flag
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
