hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
