remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
