I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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