Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
