I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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