You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
