sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
