Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I need a beard to bite.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
