Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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