I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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