I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
