I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
