I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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