I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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