I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
