how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize