id be glad to
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I need a burrito and a hug.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
