I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
