I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
