I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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