Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
