Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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